Why ‘Mommy Wine Culture' is so Problematic

By Jordan Mayfield, LSCSW, LCAC

Women’s alcohol use has been on the rise since the early 2000s. According to Valley Hope, a renowned substance abuse treatment facility, women alcohol abusers are quickly catching up to their male counterparts. These data show that disordered drinking among women has increased since the year 2000 by approximately 84%. In a society where institutionalized oppression and inequality consistently create barriers for women, the added layer of increased substance use is both a response to and constructed product of that.

            Due to women’s rising economic power and social influence, they are prime consumers of goods and products for marketers to target. Even when those products promote their own continued oppression and marginalization. Marketers use gender stereotypes to convince us to buy their products. The alcohol industry and manufacturers are no different.

            It’s important to remember that alcohol advertising normalizes drinking, but that does not mean that drinking alcohol is healthy or “normal.” Just as cigarettes were part of the mainstream culture and a socially accepted way to cope with life and promote sophistication in its heyday. In fact, alcohol is just as unhealthy as smoking cigarettes, even in small quantities. Alcohol is quite literally a poison. It is a toxic chemical that the body works hard to filter out of its system. Even in small amounts, alcohol effects all parts of the body and brain in a negative way. Society, as a whole, has accepted this truth about nicotine and has begun to accept this truth about opiates. And although alcohol is as toxic, not only has society not shifted its viewpoint, but alcohol is a socially acceptable and expected part of life. Additionally, if someone cannot “handle” their alcohol we ostracize them instead of understanding that the chemical is working in the exact way in which it was designed.

Alcohol advertisers are no longer focusing as much on using women to target male audiences with its product, it is targeting women directly. According to the BBC these marketers are promoting sophistication, empowerment and female friendships. They have both the single woman and “family” woman markets covered and appeal to them from very different angles. Some examples of these marketing schemes are tampon shaped flasks, Skinnygirl Vodka, Chick Beer, and Mad Housewife Mommy’s Little Helper Mixed Pack. Memes, T-shirts, hand towels, and baby onesies reek of funny alcohol inspired tropes. I have been told by both male and female bosses alike “you’ve had a hard day. You should go home and have a glass of wine.” And remember I work in the mental health field, specializing in addiction. The normalization and romanticizing of alcohol use in our society is quite literally, everywhere.

            Alcohol is a feminist issue. Big alcohol uses predatory marketing tactics to increase sales, encourage binge drinking and “regular” drinking in women. All persons regardless of gender need to call these out when we see them. Alcohol companies disguise this use as empowering to women, while actually participating in their oppression and affliction. “Mommy wine culture” is the phenomenon that it is funny, celebrated and normal to use alcohol as a coping strategy to deal with the unyielding demands of running a household and parenting. Not only does this promote unhealthy use of alcohol, it disguises the structural and inequitable distribution of labor in the household and around parenting which continues to promote patriarchy. So instead of saying “mommy needs help, support and resources” we say “mommy needs a drink” and laugh.

            As damaging as mommy wine culture is for women, it is also sending very unhealthy and toxic messages to children. It conveys a complete lack of value for motherhood, which is harmful. And it implies that children, while certainly challenging, can only be endured by numbing ourselves. As a therapist of many adult children of alcoholics, the narrative that a parent needs alcohol to engage, deal with, or be around their children is extremely hurtful and damaging to them.

Another feminist issue related to alcohol is its relationship to breast cancer. Alcohol has been defined as a carcinogenic and is known to cause at least seven kinds of cancer, according to the World Health Organization. Even moderate consumption of alcohol increases breast cancer risk by 30-50% compared to non-drinkers. Despite the World Health Organization continually saying that the only safe amount of alcohol use is none, and there are zero health benefits in consuming it, unregulated medical data continue to espouse health perks.

            The relationship between alcohol and sexual assault has been well researched. While alcohol does not cause or excuse sexual assault it is one of the most common, and yet, preventable variables that contribute to it. Since the majority of sexual assaults go unreported, the data that is available are skewed. This data suggests that at least 50% of sexual assaults involve alcohol use either by the survivor, perpetrator or most often, both. Sexual assault occurs more often in places in which alcohol is served. Predators know this and seek out these environments to prey on individuals whose inhibitions and decision-making abilities have been altered. And historically perpetrators of sexual assault escape culpability due to their drinking behavior or the drinking behavior of their victim. Mixing alcohol and sex very often leads to low consent situations, at best and no consent at its worst.

            The well-known doula agency Beboima states “Normative alcohol culture has convinced us that alcohol is not only normal but essential in our lives and through manipulative marketing efforts, is sold to us as a solution to everything despite the very serious consequences that go along with consuming it. Again, we honor everyone’s autonomy and choices and know that it can be and feel challenging to disentangle ourselves from systems working against us, like Big Alcohol, the patriarchy, white supremacy, capitalism” etc. Acknowledging this dynamic and its impact on us is the first step.

            However, the “empowering, fun and carefree” relationship to alcohol does not apply to all women. In fact, it only applies to white women. Alcohol has been overtly used to gain power and control over women of color for centuries. Indigenous women in particular have higher rates of alcohol abuse in relationship to their white counterparts. Alcohol was used by white invaders to manipulate, control and disenfranchise Native people of the United States. This continues to impact the community today. And while white women who wear “Wine, because mommin’ ain’t easy” t-shirts are perceived as cute and funny, women of color are judged and maligned for the exact same behavior.

            It’s important to point out that life is hard. Discrimination is real. Unequal distribution of parenting, underemployment, unequitable access to education and earning potential, as well as incalculable experiences of micro, macro aggressions and trauma are all part of the female experience. So, the desire to use a substance to numb or curb the associated feelings is certainly understandable. Especially when billions of dollars are funneled into convincing us that drinking will give us what we most crave: happiness, autonomy and independence. But it’s critical to understand what’s at work here. And how our continued consumption and idolizing of alcohol is in fact harming us physically, socially and emotionally.

            So, what happens when you learn all of this and intentionally decide to stop consuming alcohol? Basically, people think you’re weird. In talking with other intentionally sober people, a common theme is that people don’t understand why or how anyone can enjoy life without the use of alcohol. Which of course is an interesting idea considering alcohol dulls our senses, impairs memory, and impacts our ability to think clearly. Sober people tend to get invited less to events and are seen as a literal buzzkill.  People also tend to make the assumption that if you don’t drink you must have an alcohol problem, totally missing the point that alcohol itself, is the actual problem. And for women, it is a multi-layered problem. It erodes our physical and mental health AND continues to feed into patriarchic ideals about who we are and what we have to offer society and our place in it.